Rain!!!
We have a very nice garden here at Linne Bheag – thanks to many years of tender loving care by someone else. We take no credit for it.
We have also had such a long, dry, beautiful spell of weather.
And all this time we have been threatening to buy a garden bench to replace the ancient, broken one on our little terrace. This week I went on-line and ordered a ‘glider’ - not just any old bench, you understand. It arrived while I was on a baby-sitting mission to Edinburgh and remained in its box till this morning when Peter and I felt strong enough to face the multiplicity of arms, legs, screws, nuts and various bits of plastic all of which needed to be assembled in the correct order. The sun was shining.
Everything boded well. We identified the right number of everything. And hey presto! Bad temper took over, fingers became thumbs, screws jumped out of hands and got lost in the grass…… and I phoned Gareth. God bless Gareth! Son-in-law number 2, living here in Anstruther, ‘comer-to-the-rescue’ in all things practical. I heard (or maybe just imagined I heard) him grumping down the line as I explained our predicament to Jane and she agreed to come – or rather to come with Gareth, because Jane herself would have been no use whatsoever.
But it was Saturday. They were just up. They would be there eventually. We went back to our accursed ‘glider’ and …..well, cursed, I suppose. At least I did. I did remark to Peter that it was just as well he didn’t know any bad words, or he would have been using them too!
But, in spite of all the trauma, we got there. And by the time Gareth and Jane appeared with the biggest toolbox I have ever encountered, the last screw was ‘gliding’ into place. Jane and I drank our morning tea whilst sunbathing and ‘gliding’ in the morning sun.
Then they left, Peter went off to Glasgow. I got my book out and another cup of tea. Great. A day to myself on the terrace on a beautiful sunny day.
You know the rest, don’t you????!!! But I console myself in the knowledge that the fish ponds desperately needed some rain to top them up. So do the roses. And our glider will still be there next week when we return to balmy summer days!
We had the pleasure of making new friends this afternoon. Barry and Sandy live in Atlanta and are on holiday in Scotland and wanted to meet us because we are in the same ‘business’. It was so lovely to meet kindred spirits.
Barry told us about a course in Spiritual Formation that he is running which includes material from a book called Sacred Pathways by Gary L. Thomas. It sounded so interesting that the minute Barry and Sandy went out the gate, I was ‘googling’ Sacred Pathways and doing their on-line to test to discover my spiritual temperament.
Try it. You might be surprised at the result. Typically, I came out as having four top scores. (I never could come down on one side of an argument!) But I seemingly am a mixture of a Sensate, a Naturalist (hope that’s different from a Naturist), a Contemplative and an Ascetic (although that one sounds a bit painful). Strangely, I did not score highly on the Intellectual!
I can see that all that is true. Nothing I didn’t know before, but it does help to explain a few pet hates. I have never sat comfortably through very long sermons and that had nothing to do with Church of Scotland pews. I know I learn best by ‘doing’ or ‘seeing’ rather than ‘hearing’. And I knew that I liked natural, quiet worship on my own. So it all fits into the categories that the questionnaire explored.
I will now order the book and try out the ‘intellectual’ thing by reading it. Watch out. I will run a course on it in the autumn!
You know, that was a joke. But now I think about it, it’s a very good idea! Any takers?
Today I started preparing for a Celtic Retreat day which we are giving at the end of the month. In the days of the Celts, Scotland was a densely wooded country and the population tended to live on the fringes, close to the sea. So, of course, they also were more likely to travel by sea than by land. So I suppose it’s only natural that the Celtic prayers are so often taking water or the sea as a theme. I love this modern prayer, in the Celtic style, written by Ray Simpson of Lindisfarne. I am sure this one will be used on the 28th June.
Lord, you are my island,
your bosom is my nest.
You are the calm of the sea,
in that peace I rest.
You are the waves
on the shore’s glistening stones,
Their sound is my hymn.
You are the sound of the birds,
their tune I sing.
You are the sea breaking on rocks,
I praise you with the swell.
You are the ocean who laps my being,
in you I dwell.
Have you been watching Springwatch on BBC2, I wonder. I love it so much that I have the web cam open all day and can pop in to watch the nests and activities around the river bank.
I just loved the Wren’s nest. That tiny wee bird had nine chicks in her tiny wee nest. How could a bird the size of a wren actually lay nine eggs! That is just incredible. Even more incredible is the fact that all nine of these wee squawking beings fledged successfully at the end if the day.
What amused me most was the squabbling that went on amongst them all, especially as they grew bigger and space became extremely limited in the miniscule ball of nest. Frequently one or another was scrabbling back into the safety of the nest from its outer margins where it had landed when it lost a fight. How none actually landed on the ground to be devoured by a predator was a miracle.
So if I am praying Ray’s Celtic prayer, I had better hang on in that nest in God’s bosom. I’m not much of a swimmer!
Today I thought I would vary the menu a little. We are both getting tired of the same diet of sandwiches – although our guests who come on a Saturday (or any other day of the week for that matter) don’t know that I have a routine. Boredom was setting in. Corned beef, ham and tomato and egg mayonnaise. So today we are having salad with the ham – yummy. Grated cheddar delicately flavouring the egg. And, wow, this is exciting!!!, smoked salmon and cream cheese! The trouble is that I am so naturally boring that I have never even made a smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich before – never mind taste one! – so I really didn’t know how to do it. Fingers crossed that will be a success.
On Thursday I attended our local church worship group. We are preparing for the morning service which we will lead next Sunday and some joker suggested that we take JOY as our theme. I horrified myself by realising that I don’t ‘do’ joy! Serious, caring, concerned, these all come naturally to me. Worried, anxious, bad-tempered, sad sometimes, downright depressed occasionally, content on a rare day…………. But joy?
I spoke to my Spiritual Director about this a few weeks ago. I confessed that I don’t often get excited and I keep my life on an even keel as far as possible. She wondered if I was frightened of emotion.
So I have kept a mental note. Each night at bedtime I look back over the day and try to pinpoint the sparks of excitement or emotion of any positive kind that I can remember feeling. It has been rather sobering (certainly not a joy) to realise that I just doggedly get on with life, visiting neither the highs not the lows, keeping both sorrow and pleasure at arm’s length. I am thereby depriving myself of all the good things that God provides on a daily basis to sustain and encourage me.
This has to change!
So today, we are having smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwiches. How exciting is that!!! Well, maybe not VERY exciting – but it’s a start. Variety is the spice of life. And if I work on it maybe by the time we take the service next Sunday morning I will have some joy in my life! Hurrah and halleluiah!
It happened a wee whilie ago but it's only now that I have been given permission to tell the world! My daughter is pregnant!!! Ten years later than planned, my next two grandchildren are due to hit this world sometime in November. I was told the day before my 60th birthday that the pregnancy test was positive. But obviously it was very early days and I was told to hold the information to myself till the 12 week scan. The news both 'made' my birthday and 'ruined' it. (Well, let's face it, the thought of being 60 is enough to ruin any birthday!) Of course I was absolutely delighted (especially after the aforesaid ten years) but I might be described as a worrier by all who know me, and so I have done the said worrying ever since the announcement.
But you know what? I have decided to give up the worry. These babies are fine, looping the loop and looking very healthy and active. The doctor is pleased. Jane and Gareth are pleased (except when Jane is throwing up all over the place!) and so, just for a few weeks, I also am also going to be pleased. After that I might just allow myself to worry a very little!
Motherhood is hard. We long for our children to be happy and we think we know better than their Heavenly Father. After all, I am her mother. That must count for something. I would have had her pregnant years ago.
But the timing will be just right - whatever that might mean! Thank the Lord!
Now all I have to worry about is the babysitting!!! Any volunteers?
I feel really sad tonight! For years I have been really, really keen to link spirituality with the wisdom of the Enneagram and at last I had the courage to put a course in place. And it was happening this Saturday.
But only two people wanted to come!
So reluctantly I have had to cancel. Or rather, postpone. Because we have re-scheduled for August.
I remember when I went through the bad old depression years when nothing spiritual seemed to make any sense, I really wanted to understand why we all enjoyed different kinds of worship. And why I couldn't make sense of any of it!
The Enneagram helped me so much at that time and having pursued it as relentlessly as I have done, it has helped me to find answers. And the answer is that we are all so different that no one way of worship suits us all. Therefore, we can't all fit neatly into the presbyterian mode, nor do we all have Episcopalian hearts (boo hoo!), nor are we all at home with the happy-clappy Charismatics (why not??!!), nor even the wee frees or the brethern brothers.
But what a relief!
It would be great if we could all find what suits us best. And it would be equally great if we could all experience something right out of our comfort zone and find that even that just might be good too.
So I am sorry that the three of us won't be delving into the different ways we enjoy prayer. But the good news is that we WILL do it in August.
Want to join us then??????????
Saturday 23rd August: 10am - 4pm.
I was at the opening of the General Assembly. Not the place I am often seen, I admit, but what would I not do to support my friends, I ask you? And support them I did.
The truth is that the new Moderator of the General Assembly is none other than our very dear friend, Rev David Lunan. He also happens to be married to my very dear pal, Maggie, the equal of my good self in rebelliousness and non-conformity. So I just had to be there to see Maggie in her hat and support David in his hour of need!
David is one of the loveliest men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. It was typical of the man that his first speech which was addressed to the out-going moderator was to speak so compassionately of the death of her mother just last month.
He then went on to lead the business of the Assembly in such a quiet, competent and cheerful way, even consoling any unfortunate Rangers supporters, that we all felt that the Assembly was in good hands.
Those of you who know me will feel nothing but astonishment that I could actually enjoy spending time at anything so frustratingly dull and outmoded. And I agree with you. I also am astonished. But even rebels have to grow up some day and maybe I am 'coming of age'.
However, the best bit was the lunch in the Moderator's posh house with all Maggie's servants waiting upon us. And we got to have a nosy around in all the nooks and crannies and Maggie even had the Moderator's underwear out to dry in the bathroom. So that was a highlight!
But now we are back home, the more sombre reflections quite lost on me. Peter will return tomorrow - not because he is a commissioner. He's not. He's just mad! - coz he seems to like it. There's none sae queer as folk - ministerial folk at any rate!
’’In the 20th Century, we were defined by what we owned, in the 21st Century we will be defined by what share and give away.’ Charles Leadbeater, author of We Think
I think Charles Leadbeater is referring here to our ‘blogging ways’ in the 21st century. Why do we blog, I wonder? Why do we give away all our secrets to an invisible, perhaps non-existant, audience in the ether? That comment has made me wonder.
For me, it’s easy. If I am lonely of an evening, I love to read other peoples’ blogs as a way of making contact or being in union with another living being. It is an eye-opener to hear others’ views of their daily lives or hear them respond to the views of others.
I also confess to frequent disappointments that so many bloggers use so many words to say so little! The discipline of writing, in order to be in the same cyber space as other bloggers, would (I think!!!) be an invitation to closeness with others but - and this is my complaint - we seem to be saying nothing most of the same! And so Bill Gates’ wonderful 21st century medium is wasted with rubbish and nonsense which usually adds nothing to anyone’s life! Am I just a grumpy old woman?
So what can I share with you this evening that will be interesting, erudite and add a certain je ne sais quoi to the lives of all my million readers?
I could share that I ran out of washing powder today. Or that both my mother and one of my lovely sons-in-law celebrate a birthday tomorrow. Or that the temperature in sunny Anstruther was 20 today and yet only 13 in St Andrews, just over the hill. Or that my husband is spending yet another night away from home (this time at our daughter’s – or so he tells me!!!???!!!)
But instead, I think I will share with you a nice little piece of information. I need a haircut. I really, really do. Somehow since moving here in November I have had other priorities in my life and now my husband is complaining that there is too much going on in my head. No, that’s not possible. He surely must mean that there is too much growing ON my head! And I think he is right.
Now what is the origin of that expression. ‘More hair than wit’?
Was this a waste of good blogging space? Surely not!
Today I feel weary! There is a heavy weight balancing itself on my chest, what feels like a bag of coal or rocks pressing down on my forehead and my bones feel bendy and spongy. You don’t want to be me today.
So I am asking myself why I feel like this. It happens sometimes. It’s no big deal. But it always takes me by surprise and I wonder why I am such a wimp.
Then, reading my journal I came across the following quotation.
“Suffering in the desert of life can only be borne and survived by entering into the oasis of memories within; by waiting patiently in meditation and hope; gathering strength to go on; by living from that place of power.” (Sacred way of the desert by Marylyn Brown)
In reading my journal, I realised that I was entering into the ‘oasis of memories’. I was reading what I had written last month, last week, the day before yesterday, when the energy was up and the spirit was flowing! I can only dream of that happening today! But it was good to read from the oasis of memories.
Remember when you held a precious word or phrase from God and it brought a lightness to your spirit? Or the day you saw a flower, or a sunset and felt the touch of the Creator embracing you? Or maybe it was just a bubbling up of the spirit of God in your heart and you felt His limitless love drawing you to the horzons.
We all have this oasis of memories. Find one. Right now. And treasure it, relive it, hold it and bask in it. That memory is God’s gift to you now.
I remember the thrill of the prayers at the Church Without Walls event at Ingliston on Saturday. The tenderness of a Christening I attended on Sunday. A moment of stillness sitting in the garden yesterday while waiting for the family to arrive with all their noise and laughter. So much. Love. Contentment. Awakening. Rest.
Remembering all that, now I realise why I have no energy today. It has been a busy few days. And so I will follow the next part of the quotation. I will wait patiently, gather strength and go on living from the place of power.
Such a lot has happened since my last post. We have had a wee holiday, run another Linne Bheag Saturday, and run around the country spending time with people. Sometimes it was work and sometimes relaxation. But since we both seem to work with such nice people it is always – well, almost always! – a real pleasure.
We had a great day last Saturday leading a day on “The Changing Seasons of Life”. We were to have had a ‘full house’ but unfortunately a few people had to cancel at the last minute so there were only nine of us in all.
Although almost none of us knew each other beforehand, we found kindred spirits and realised we were all facing or had faced quite disruptive transitions in our lives. I loved preparing for that day. I knew a lot about transition and change. Don’t we all?! But the discipline of getting it down on paper ready to share it with others was energising as I began to piece together certain transitions of my own and see them in a wider context.
The big lesson for us all on that day was that,
Through loyalty to the past, our mind refuses to realise that tomorrow’s joy is possible only if today’s makes way for it; that each wave owes the beauty of its line only to the withdrawal of the receding one. (Andre Gide)
And, let’s face it, we would never willingly allow today’s joys to pass if we weren’t forced into it. Change forces us into transition and transition leads us into some kind of transformation. We grow up. We grow strong. We grow into ourselves. We grow into completeness in God. We become happy. But we can’t become happy (or any of these other things) without letting go of part of today and yesterday. We grow into tomorrow.
Walking around the harbour at lunchtime helped. I just love living here. Five minutes watching the waves pounding on to the shore is worth more than five hefty tombs of the best literature you can find. (Unless you are a FIVE on the Enneagram, of course!)
I leave you with another quote. This time from Carl Jung of whom I am a devotee.
He believed that some people didn’t allow the changes of life to lead them into transition and therefore never actually progressed much on their life journey. If this happened, he says, they become,
“…….hypochondriacs, niggards, doctrinaires, applauders of the past or eternal adolescents – all lamentable substitutes for the illumination of self.”
So beware, all those who cling on to the sinking ship in the hope that they can return to yesterday! The only way is forward >>>>>>>>>>>>> !
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