Such a lot has happened since my last post.  We have had a wee holiday, run another Linne Bheag Saturday, and run around the country spending time with people.  Sometimes it was work and sometimes relaxation.  But since we both seem to work with such nice people it is always – well, almost always! – a real pleasure.

We had a great day last Saturday leading a day on “The Changing Seasons of Life”.  We were to have had a ‘full house’ but unfortunately a few people had to cancel at the last minute so there were only nine of us in all.  

Although almost none of us knew each other beforehand, we found kindred spirits and realised we were all facing or had faced quite disruptive transitions in our lives.  I loved preparing for that day.  I knew a lot about transition and change.  Don’t we all?!  But the discipline of getting it down on paper ready to share it with others was energising as I began to piece together certain transitions of my own and see them in a wider context. 

The big lesson for us all on that day was that,  
Through loyalty to the past, our mind refuses to realise that tomorrow’s joy is possible only if today’s makes way for it; that each wave owes the beauty of its line only to the withdrawal of the receding one. (Andre Gide)

And, let’s face it, we would never willingly allow today’s joys to pass if we weren’t forced into it.  Change forces us into transition and transition leads us into some kind of transformation.  We grow up.  We grow strong.  We grow into ourselves.  We grow into completeness in God.  We become happy.  But we can’t become happy (or any of these other things) without letting go of part of today and yesterday.  We grow into tomorrow.

Walking around the harbour at lunchtime helped.  I just love living here.  Five minutes watching the waves pounding on to the shore is worth more than five hefty tombs of the best literature you can find.  (Unless you are a FIVE on the Enneagram, of course!)

I leave you with another quote.  This time from Carl Jung of whom I am a devotee.

He believed that some people didn’t allow the changes of life to lead them into transition and therefore never actually progressed much on their life journey.  If this happened, he says, they become,
“…….hypochondriacs, niggards, doctrinaires, applauders of the past or eternal adolescents – all lamentable substitutes for the illumination of self.”

So beware, all those who cling on to the sinking ship in the hope that they can return to yesterday!  The only way is forward >>>>>>>>>>>>> !

 

 


 

Understanding the depths of our own complicated behaviour is one of the hardest things to master. 
It was fourteen years ago that I first made the attempt.  I had ignored my inner depths all my life and had been quite content to hide behind a series of elaborate masks, hiding the real me (whatever that was) and operating at a very surface level.  I suppose it was all I could handle at that time and it seemed to serve the purpose.

Then life changed.  We moved house, changed jobs, lived in the country, had teenagers go off to Uni........ a series of losses that left me shaky and insecure, no longer able to understand what life was all about.  All the certainties had gone.  The ground had slid from under my feet.  I was lost.

Five years later I also had to accept that I was depressed, a fact that my doctor had been trying to convince me of for a long time.

It was during that time that I discovered the Enneagram.  I didn't like it because it was forcing me to look right into my soul and I was scared.  But within a few days of taking its wisdom on board, I began to notice a difference in my attitude to myself.  The biggest thing was the discovery that if God had specially created each of his people, then I must be a real person, not the fake or the non-person that I felt myself to be.  He doesn't make mistakes and he doesn't waste his time creating rubbish.  So he must have made me exactly as he did make me.  And there must be something good in me.

The other realisation was the passage in Psalm 139 in the Old Testament where the Psalmist talks about how God created us in the womb.  Before our families came to love or hate us, before anyone tried to shape us and mould us, before even our mothers had the chance to love us, God saw us.  I picture his presence in the womb with me as a tiny embryo, stoking my tiny forehead and saying, "Dorothy, I am creating you.  You will be a lovely person though you might have a bit of trouble believing it for a time.  But never forget that you are mine.  And I love you because I made you and I love you because.....well, just because!  I don't need a reason!"

So if God can love me like that, then how dare I hate myself so much?  That was the start of growing into wholeness for me.  It took years.  In fact, the process will last as long as I do.  But we have to start somewhere.

If you resonate with any of what I have just written, I would love to introduce you to the Enneagram.  It is not the gospel.  But it certainly can be used by God to introduce you to a wholeness that he dreams of us having. 

"Science is finding out God's thoughts after him."
somebody once said.  I feel like that about the Enneagram.  It is a tool to find out more about the lovely person God had in mind when He created you.  Give it a try.  Come to see yourself and the one who created you in a whole new light.

The picture at the top of this post signifies the kind of Enneagram session you will have with me!

Yes, it's true.  I am a very old person who can remember the Queen's coronation, post war rationing, horses pulling the baker's cart and the tarmac melting on hot summers' days.  I am sixty!

I feel it can't be true.  But my husband and lovely daughters put up banners, produced champagne, forced me to eat high calorie cake (with apologies to my Scottish Slimmers adviser!) and told me that it was indeed true and thought I might like to start acting my age for a wee change.

So I now have to anticipate all sorts of goodies.  The bus pass.  The pension book.  The winter fuel allowance.  So it's not all bad, then!

One of my cards said,
"With age comes wisdom........well, usually!"
Let's wait and see, shall we??!!

This story came to me from Iain Archibald of Business Matters.  I wish I could attribute it to its original author but he/she is unknown (to me, at least).  It is so good I want to share it with you all.

Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programmes such as Football 5.0 and Cricket 3.0.  And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Desperate!


Dear Desperate

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command:
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember: overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.  Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.

Whatever you do, DO NOT instal Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstal another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great programme, but it does have a limited memory and cannot run a new application quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 9.0.

Good Luck.

Tech Support

I love it!  And I tell it because:
1.  I have three sons-in-law, one of whom is coming to see me today,
2.  I have a VERY important birthday with a zero on the end coming up very, very soon, and because,
3.  I have a husband!

We had a great day on Saturday.

There were seven of us gathered at Linne Bheag for our first 'Introduction to the Enneagram' course on a lovely spring morning.  True, the weather deteriorated, but the quality of company and chat only improved as the day progressed.

Unusually, everyone present had a smattering of knowledge of the enneagram system but most had no idea of their own personality type.  So the day was exciting, slowly pealing off the multi-coloured  masks they had all been wearing for years and beginning to see the beautiful qualities each had been hiding away. 

We 'unmasked' and discovered a lovely FOUR - creative, gentle, wise.  Two SEVENs also recognised their true selves and laughed with great appreciation to discover that their gluttony for living was actually a personality type!  They brought us much laughter throughout the day.  And we had an EIGHT - not the scary type of EIGHT but a grown-up, mature, lovely person who has discovered her power in giving and attending to others and is full of love and life.

Last, but certainly not least, we had a couple, married for about a hundred years and both TWOs.  Now that is something you don't find every day.  A double TWO couple!  TWOs are the helpers of the enneagram, the givers, whose whole lifestance is towards the other's happiness and success.   That sounds like a winning formula to me!  And it was a real pleasure to share the day with them.

So we had fun, gained insights, went away wanting more and with a spring in our steps. 

Maybe you will join us for the next one!

Yes, cute and cuddly he may look but I know different!  The photograph is of my grandson Aidan, who has just endured the misfortune of having me - Grannie the Great - to look after him.  Along with his sister Skye, aged 4, they have been under my 'guardianship' while their poor Mum coughed, sneezed and vomited her way through Holy Week and into Easter weekend.

Now you may feel that this particular grannie sounds ever so callous.  Not so.  I endured snotty noses being wiped over every item of clothing I possessed, allowed myself to be covered in what Daughter no 3 calls 'granny ming', did the dirty nappy thing with speedy efficiency and even managed to cook the odd meal.  And all with patience, calm and love!  Honest!!!

Then Grandpa arrived on his white charger, threw Grannie the Great up behind him, slipped a disc or two, and rode off into the sunset in the general direction of Melrose, to give Grannie the Great a wee rest at the ancestral home of Brother and Sister-in-law.

And that would have been lovely if Grannie the Great hadn't decided to succumb to a fit of the vapours and throw up all over Sir Walter Scott's ancient carpet at Abbotsford House, sending the caretakers, as well as the said Grandpa, Brother and Sister-in-law into an orgy of worry!  The caretaker did say that since Sir Walter had frequently held drinking parties of the wildest kind in that very room, it was probably not the worst mess the carpet had ever seen!

So poor wee me!  After a week of caring toil I was whipped into Borders General Hospital in a Casualty-style rescue and poked and prodded, x-rayed and de-blooded, enduring valiantly to the end.  It was thought to be a good idea that I should stay in overnight so that they could send me upstairs and allow another gaggle of doctors to do something similar the next day.

However, Grannie had learned a few tricks from Skye!  She said 'no' very firmly, risking the wrath of Grandpa, Brother and Sister-in-law as well as the lovely Dr Moe, got dressed, signed a disclaimer(!!!) and left A&E, stubbornly disregarding the awful pain that was trying to break out from under her ribs.

But interestingly - and clearly this was too simple for the medical staff - once I got back to Melrose and swallowed two Rennies, I felt almost instantly better!

All well, eh!  The lengths we go to to get a day in bed!  Anybody's bed will do.  Even a trolley in a corridor of BGH.

Incidentally, I discovered that Sir Walter Scott had died in that very same room.  Spooky, huh?

As weather goes, we have got off very lightly here in the east!  Elsewhere there are high tides, high winds, floods and downpours.  Devon and Cornwall are really bad and Wales little better.

Here in Anstruther, the sun is splitting the sky, the tide is crashing over the harbour wall and my washing is competing with the wind to see who can reach Scandinavia first.  It is so beautiful!

It brings out the best and the worst in the locals.  Rushing down to the post box this morning I had to lean into the wind to make any progress against it.  One man lost his hat.  Another complained loudly that never has a winter been quite so bad.  But the woman in the post office waxed lyrical about the seagulls hanging on the top of the wind and the lightness and playfulness she felt in the teeth of the gale.

It reminded me of the best of Celtic spirituality.  The ancient Celts believed that God was in the breath and therefore in the wind.  Imagine that.  As we stand in the gale, leaning into it and feeling it against us, we are actually leaning into the presence of God.  As we stand at the bus stop and feel the whirl of the wind skittering around us, could it be that God is there, playing with us, reminding us of his closeness, wrapping us up in a great big hug?

When I brought in the washing - no easy task! - it all  felt so soft.  All hardness had been well and truly blown away and I put folded towels into the airing cupboard till I needed them.  They will wrap around me in the morning when I come out the shower.

If God is in the wind, will he have that effect on me too?  Soft, pliable, comfortable?  A pleasure to be with?

Hmmmmm........I wonder?!

I  don’t remember when I last had such a tiring weekend.  There was so much and everything needed done immediately.  I was constantly juggling and chasing my tail.  Demands were flying at me thick and fast.  I couldn’t understand what was required half the time.  I was translating and second-guessing and pulling ideas out of the air.  The schedule was tight and I never seemed to have the necessary information when I needed it. 

This had been my one chance.  My opportunity to shine, to prove that after all the years of training, I could do this job.  Not just adequately, but brilliantly.  I wanted it all to look effortless!  For people to marvel and say, “I just don’t know how you do it!” or “Isn’t she wonderful!”

And now, on Sunday night, I am a wreck.  Exhausted.  Stressed out.  A failure.  And I agree with the Psalmist who said,

“Why am I so sad?  Why am I so troubled?  I will put my hope in God and yet again I will praise Him!”  (From the book of Psalms no 42;11)

And I WILL praise Him again – once I have recovered, once the energy begins to flow again.  Even if the weekend was not the brilliant success I expected it to be.  Even if it has now been proved that I am no longer the epitome of efficiency that I once thought myself to be.  Even if I seem to be past it forever.  Even if…………..yet still, I WILL praise Him again.  Hurrah and halleluiah!

 Oh……….and you may be wondering what I was doing at the weekend.  I was looking after my two lovely, very special grandchildren for two nights!  Skye is four and Aidan is ten months.  Peter and I toiled long and hard, almost passed out from sheer exhaustion on Saturday afternoon while waiting for the seals to be fed in St Andrew’s Aquarium.  But we made it.

 And, you know, thirty years ago we thought we weren’t going to have any children.  So this weekend was living proof of the good things that God gives us.  Yes, we are old and past our best but we absolutely love having our two gorgeous wee ones.  So, like the Psalmist………sad, troubled, exhausted?  Who cares?!  We will yet again praise God, and be thankful for all our gifts!

Prozac or a nice wee placebo?  The news was full of it this morning.  They all seem so sure that we can do without Prozac.  It doesn't work anyway, according to the media.

As someone who lost a huge chunk of my life to depression in the '90s, I want to stand up and be counted.   After five years of avoiding the 'D' word and refusing anti-depressants, I gave in, took good old Prozac and after only five or six weeks, I began to live again.  A placebo would not have had the desired effect.  I had tried all sorts of things - homeopathic, herbal, hormonal, and none of them had worked.  But Prozac did and continued to do so and gave me the courage to look at myself and change.

I think, though, that that was the big thing.  Prozac alone was not the answer.  But without the drug, I would never have had the energy, the health or the courage to do the 'inner work' required to bring me back to health.

It was during my time of depression that I met the enneagram (a personality profiling system) and to discover what made me tick was life-changing.  It led me on a journey of self-discovery and helped me to see that there was a perfectly nice individual hidden deep inside me, at a level below the depression.  That gave me a handle on myself and showed me the repeated, damaging habits in my life that needed to change.  It helped a lot - which is why I trained to be a practitioner and teach it now.

But without the Prozac, I would never have been healthy enough to take on that challenge.

So don't knock Prozac.  It's good enough to eat!!!

Welcome to our brand new web site! 

Peter and I moved into our lovely new house here in Anstruther in November and today, just three months later, we are launching the next phase of our lives -          Sacred Space at Linne Bheag. 

We have already hosted a few groups and I think we all had fun.  Peter and I both have brought existing contracts and clients with us to Anstruther and so are still spending too much time on the road to Edinburgh, Glasgow and Aberdeen.  But as time goes by, we hope more of you will begin to find your way here, maybe just to visit, maybe for spiritual direction, or mentoring or coaching, or maybe to relax during one of our days of guided retreat.  Whatever your reason, or even if you don't have a reason, please do come and see us.

And watch this space.  We will try to keep in touch with you all in this blog.